It’s the quiet, unassuming occasions that hit me the
hardest.
I’m no longer lost on a weird journey of figuring out how I
got where I am—whether the year milestone had anything to do with it or not,
remains unclear. However, I’ve found
that Katie’s words are true: it’s gotten better. Okay, maybe not better, but easier. Or maybe not even easier… but some other word
that more accurately describes the act of feeling drastically changed but,
simultaneously, exactly the same—only different.
Captain’s log day 405 since you’ve been gone, and still I
haven’t gotten so much as an email from God with His reason for all of
this.
My breath still gets caught in my throat when I reach for
the phone to call or text you.
And I wish so much that you were going to be physically here
for our wedding day. It hurts very
deeply to know how much you would be enjoying the planning, as well. I just stuck a picture of you on the inside
cover of the wedding binder.
I miss you. Very,
very much. I just really wish you were still here.
