Just A Thought About Christmas

I don’t need presents.  I suppose there was a time in my childhood when I thought I needed gifts, but that time has long since passed.  Approaching 30, I certainly don’t feel like I need gifts now.

But it’s hard to forget the special magic that you injected into every Christmas by getting me something I didn’t know what I wanted or needed.  You had your own way of doing it, too.  I keep kicking myself, I took so much time for granted.  I never appreciated it enough at the time.  It’s hard to describe the feeling that I get when I’m thinking about it now… how there were always thoughtfully chosen gifts.  Some were your way of pulling together the families, uniting us in a little club (Pandora), some were your way of injecting your own artsy style into our wardrobes (scarves, clothes), and some were for pure fun (cameras, computers, decorations).  It always amazed me how you managed to capture everybody’s perfect personality with your offerings.  I am resigned to the fact that you had a talent that I will never, ever possess. 

Gift-giving was so special to you and it’s always been a source of anxiety for me, so I hope that you never felt dampened by my Grinchy attitude.  I don’t know why it doesn’t come as naturally to me. 

And for as much as I never needed presents, and certainly don’t need them now, I do miss the excitement of watching you watching me on Christmas morning.  I think I’ll always wonder what you would have gotten me each year, if you were still here.