Thoughts Around Christmas Time

I know you’re looking down on us, your presence is always felt.  Even though the time when you were here gets farther and farther away in the past, the memories we’ve made together never get further than my subconscious.  I’m still grateful we have so many pictures to document the good times.  Christmas is really hard to get through without being sad because you’re not with us.  But for the first time in a few years, I really felt the holiday spirit and enjoyed the heck out of spending time with my family.  There’s just something special about this time of year, and you loved it so much—I’m starting to see why.

If you were still here, you would be so proud of Kirkland—he’s such a well-mannered kid, and he’s so stinking smart.  It boggles my mind that he’s READING, I know it would impress you.  And if you were still here you’d be so excited to be preparing for the birth of my baby daughter.  I’m overwhelmed by the kindness and generosity of my loving family, everyone seems to be surrounding Michael and I with all the warmest wishes and support we could possibly hope for.  I wish you were here to rest your hand on my growing belly and feel your granddaughter kicking inside.  But I know you’re watching over us, and I can feel you in my heart and I can hear your advice in little memory whispers.

Most of all, I just miss your warm hugs and your reassuring presence.  But that presence, too, isn’t ever too far off from the here and now.  Everything you ever taught me is still with me, and all the loving feelings are wrapped up and tangled and woven within our whole family.  We miss you so much, but I’m starting to feel at peace with the fact that life continues on.  And while it’s still not fair or fun, there are new things that will happen and memories that will be made, and you’ll never ever be forgotten, just a little farther away than we’d prefer.  I love you so much and I wish you were still here and healthy, but I’m so glad for the time we had with you.  I can’t wait to tell baby Bethany all about her Grandma Arlene that she never got to meet, and show her lots of pictures of you.  

I miss you so much, and love you so much, and I very much wish you were still here.