Wish You Were Here With Advice

It’s so much harder than I ever thought it would be.  Being a mom is no “walk in the park”.  I can’t imagine what people do when they have a second child.  Being in a relationship is a weird evolution that you don’t see until you look back across the backstory.  I fell in love with Michael and eventually realized I wanted to see him become a dad.  Our plan to get pregnant worked perfectly and the timing was absolutely golden.  But as our relationship goes on, I do mourn (a little bit) what we USED to be.  It’s hard to communicate my feelings about the current state of things.  I’m certainly more stable than when Bethany was a newborn, and I love watching her grow and develop.  Her little personality fascinates me and I revel in nurturing her.  But the balance of trying to be a great mother and a great wife/partner swings wildly all over the place for me.  In my opinion, it’s absolutely not attainable for me to be a happy, balanced, content mother and wife.  If I’m a happy mother (the baby is fed, happy, entertained), the wife in me suffers (the house is a wreck, my hair isn’t brushed, I’m fat, I have no makeup on—I’m not a desirable person).  If I’m relaxed as a wife (I’m out of the house, someone else is watching the baby), I’m missing out on spending time with the baby.  And for some reason, it’s impossible for the 3 of us to sit still and spend time with each other within the confines of the homestead.  I want to cry, much of the time, and when I do I feel guilty because I’m crying again.  Nobody wants to hang out with someone who seems so sad… no wonder we can’t all be in the same household.

So I wish you were still here to be my sounding board.  What’s the answer here?