People are telling me there is no God. People I know and love are trying to convince me that this is all bullshit. There is no reason you could be taken from us.
But I feel your love and the void of it. I dropped to my knees in the middle of a field. I looked at the stars. I cried until it hurt. I cursed the heavens.
I pounded the ground.
I dug my fingernails into the earth beneath my knees.
I all but screamed- what I wanted to do was scream. But people held me. People let me cry my eyes out. They let me just feel.
I want to die with purpose. I want to explain how I feel. I want to open my eyes and see you again and bury my face in a healing hug.
Where are you and how is it possible that you aren't here?
How are things ever supposed to feel normal or real again?
I'm angry too. I'm waiting for this afternoon to write about my anger, but I'm with you. I love you VERY much :)
ReplyDeleteLainey, "they" say time heals all... BS! Time will help to soften the piercing pain, but it will never heal. You are tough! You are amazing! You will get through this! You have an incredible support team right beside you dealing with the same pain. Scream with them......
ReplyDeleteI have struggled to go to church since Arlene is gone... I prayed so hard and so did so many people... I feel betrayed... but I know she is in a better place... and maybe that was the answer to our prayer... to stop her from suffering... she is healthy and in a better place... but it sure seems like our miracle would have been for her to still be here... my faith has always gotten me through the tough times, and this time it's a lot harder... my mom says my being angry at god isn't the solution, but we will get back there I'm sure... Love you... Fawn
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