Friday, December 25, 2015

Ugh

If you were still here you would realize shit is fucked up. 

It's crazy how you feel fine until you're driving the same road you drove 85% of your life... And then you realize your destination-- your childhood home and your stepmom isn't there. 

It's crazy how you feel fine the whole day surrounded by the people who understand the most what you're feeling-- and then you go to your friend's house and he puts on a Dean Martin Christmas album and you lose your shit because Christmas came and went and the nightmare isn't over. 

It's crazy how you can stuff it all down and keep your insanity in check and you take one look at your heartbroken aunt, father, grandmother, etc and it's not even okay anymore how things aren't fair. 

I'm just saying that no matter what I think I'm prepared for-- I can just about get through it until it's almost over and then I freak out. 

I don't know what's going on or how long it's gonna last but I swear-- I wish you were still here because I would rather be going through it with you than without you. 

Ugh. 

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